Post by Administrator1 on Jul 8, 2011 14:04:14 GMT -5
Positive Grieving
Here are some practical nuts and bolts suggestions to help you grieve the things you’ve lost in the divorce.
Change your relationship with the things you lost.
If a person is no longer your husband or wife you cannot continue respond to them or think of them in the same way. You need to stop trying to force them into that mold. Unfortunately we cannot think of them as our ally any more. In the case of reconciliation I like to think of burying a toxic relationship in order to build a new, healthier relationship with the same person. In many cases allowing the old relationship (the one that wasn’t working) to die results in a successful reconciliation between two people. But realize it was the dynamic that was wrong, not the people involved. God doesn’t make wrong people but people create wrong kinds of relationships.
Make changes in your life to embrace the loss that has occurred
Decorate your surroundings to please yourself. Get rid of that chair your spouse always sat in. You never liked it anyway. Take away many of the reminders of your relationship—pictures, momentos. Your life will be a mixture of balancing hurt and grieving with picking up the pieces and moving forward.
Find new outlets for emotional investments.
How about getting together with friends? Renew old acquaintances. Small groups at Church of the Highlands are the perfect investment and a place where you can build healthy new relationships. Here’s a good one: Prayer—talking to God in a conversational tone. Use this time to deepen your relationship with the Lord. Read your daily Bible reading every day and talk to God about it. Ask Him questions. Listen for Him to respond. Sharpen your focus on hearing the Holy Spirit speaking within you.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Purchase a journal or diary to begin putting your thoughts in and spend time journaling your feelings. As time goes by your thoughts and feelings will change and you can see how you have made progress over time. Sometimes getting it out of your head and onto paper helps clarify issues for you. Also, it will help you to vent some of your frustrations and anger on paper rather than expressing those feelings to others. Many times when you see what you are thinking on paper, you understand how destructive and counterproductive some of your thinking has been; and you realize that it isn’t helpful to you, nor would it be helpful to express it to others.
Ask Yourself: How can I use this time to make my life better?
Lord, help me to get through this time of grieving in a positive way. Don’t let me fall into the black hole of rejection, depression, hardness or bitterness. Help me to see this time as a positive time in my life and give me the grace to pick up the pieces and begin to live again and to pursue the good things that You have given me. AMEN.
Donna Collier
Here are some practical nuts and bolts suggestions to help you grieve the things you’ve lost in the divorce.
Change your relationship with the things you lost.
If a person is no longer your husband or wife you cannot continue respond to them or think of them in the same way. You need to stop trying to force them into that mold. Unfortunately we cannot think of them as our ally any more. In the case of reconciliation I like to think of burying a toxic relationship in order to build a new, healthier relationship with the same person. In many cases allowing the old relationship (the one that wasn’t working) to die results in a successful reconciliation between two people. But realize it was the dynamic that was wrong, not the people involved. God doesn’t make wrong people but people create wrong kinds of relationships.
Make changes in your life to embrace the loss that has occurred
Decorate your surroundings to please yourself. Get rid of that chair your spouse always sat in. You never liked it anyway. Take away many of the reminders of your relationship—pictures, momentos. Your life will be a mixture of balancing hurt and grieving with picking up the pieces and moving forward.
Find new outlets for emotional investments.
How about getting together with friends? Renew old acquaintances. Small groups at Church of the Highlands are the perfect investment and a place where you can build healthy new relationships. Here’s a good one: Prayer—talking to God in a conversational tone. Use this time to deepen your relationship with the Lord. Read your daily Bible reading every day and talk to God about it. Ask Him questions. Listen for Him to respond. Sharpen your focus on hearing the Holy Spirit speaking within you.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Purchase a journal or diary to begin putting your thoughts in and spend time journaling your feelings. As time goes by your thoughts and feelings will change and you can see how you have made progress over time. Sometimes getting it out of your head and onto paper helps clarify issues for you. Also, it will help you to vent some of your frustrations and anger on paper rather than expressing those feelings to others. Many times when you see what you are thinking on paper, you understand how destructive and counterproductive some of your thinking has been; and you realize that it isn’t helpful to you, nor would it be helpful to express it to others.
Ask Yourself: How can I use this time to make my life better?
Lord, help me to get through this time of grieving in a positive way. Don’t let me fall into the black hole of rejection, depression, hardness or bitterness. Help me to see this time as a positive time in my life and give me the grace to pick up the pieces and begin to live again and to pursue the good things that You have given me. AMEN.
Donna Collier
