Post by chellecig on Jul 24, 2011 18:48:49 GMT -5
I have noticed that many are struggling with issues of their spouses Infidelity on top of Separation and Divorce issues. Separation and Divorce is one issue, but Infidelity adds a whole new dimension that further complicates the situation. I am more than 5 years out from what they call D-Day (Day of Discovery) and 5 years of attempting reconciliation -- which cannot happen without 2 humble spirits working on themselves, their relationship with God, and their marriage.
There are a few resources that I found helpful and though I would share.
www.survivinginfidelity.com/welcome.asp
This is not a Christian website but it is a great website, was well monitored, and does have a lot of active christians. I found it to be very helpful in understanding some of my feelings and the behavior of an unfaithful spouse.
www.dearpeggy.com was also a great website.
Books:
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
After the Affair by Janis Abrahams
First Aide for the Betrayed (Author?)
Surviving Infidelity by Harley
I have read other books but they are more applicable to couples reconciling, the above are my favorites and ones that apply to the hurt spouse healing whether their is reconciliation or not.
Something I want to touch on is a term referred to as Gaslighting ... it is a term stolen from an old 1960s movie and references when someone attempts to make us think we are crazy by insisting that we are misperceiving things (i.e. the carpet is red, you see and say it is red, but they insist it is green). You know your spouse has the scent of perfume on but they insist you are just crazy. You know your wife had a pair of red panties but suddenly they disappeared and you don't know what you are talking about. That is called gaslighting.
It is also very common for the spouse to rewrite the history of the relationship and be excessively critical of their spouse. It is part of the coping mechanism they use to justify and cope with their behavior -- behavior that is often against their own value system. Anything good in the relationship is forgotten, it was always bad, they where never happy.
Again, this is a very complicated issue that adds to the traumatic experience associated with separation and divorce that cannot even be touched here but the resources can be a start. I have some more that I can dig out later and will add them when I find them.
May God Bless and Cover You!
There are a few resources that I found helpful and though I would share.
www.survivinginfidelity.com/welcome.asp
This is not a Christian website but it is a great website, was well monitored, and does have a lot of active christians. I found it to be very helpful in understanding some of my feelings and the behavior of an unfaithful spouse.
www.dearpeggy.com was also a great website.
Books:
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
After the Affair by Janis Abrahams
First Aide for the Betrayed (Author?)
Surviving Infidelity by Harley
I have read other books but they are more applicable to couples reconciling, the above are my favorites and ones that apply to the hurt spouse healing whether their is reconciliation or not.
Something I want to touch on is a term referred to as Gaslighting ... it is a term stolen from an old 1960s movie and references when someone attempts to make us think we are crazy by insisting that we are misperceiving things (i.e. the carpet is red, you see and say it is red, but they insist it is green). You know your spouse has the scent of perfume on but they insist you are just crazy. You know your wife had a pair of red panties but suddenly they disappeared and you don't know what you are talking about. That is called gaslighting.
It is also very common for the spouse to rewrite the history of the relationship and be excessively critical of their spouse. It is part of the coping mechanism they use to justify and cope with their behavior -- behavior that is often against their own value system. Anything good in the relationship is forgotten, it was always bad, they where never happy.
Again, this is a very complicated issue that adds to the traumatic experience associated with separation and divorce that cannot even be touched here but the resources can be a start. I have some more that I can dig out later and will add them when I find them.
May God Bless and Cover You!
